Am I?

Well, my days of counting weeks is over, and we are now down to 4 days! The truth is that I am terrified to be a mom of 3. When I have put my kids to bed at night for the last week all I can think is if I’m going to have enough strength to do this with 3.
I give Ella her hug and kiss for the night and she goes off to her room for bed. Then I take Mark to his room, and even though he is a month away forum being 2 I rock him to sleep. He fits perfectly in my arms, just like a newborn baby, and drifts off to sleep.
Then as I put Mark into his big boy bed and walk down the stairs to go to sleep myself my mind starts to go crazy. The questions start entering my mind, and I am hoping that it is just a pregnancy thing, and it won’t continue once the new baby is here.
Am I going to have enough love for 3 babies?
Am I going to have enough patience?
Am I going to be able to treat them all fair?
( with us having Mark this already is hard)
Am I going to be able to give them what they need?
Am I going to be able to handle this?
Am I going to go crazy? Am I going to have the help I know I will need?

This goes on for hours before I am too exhausted thinking and finally fall asleep. At night while I am trying to go to sleep is the only time that I ask myself these questions.
I wake up in the morning excited that I am one day closer to a bigger fuller family. Ella is excited to be a big sister again, and wants to stay home from school so she can help me. Mark is starting to say baby ( even though he doesn’t know what that means yet). They both know that something new is coming and they want to be a part of the excitement.
I can’t wait to be able to wrap my arms around my 3 kids, and Bruce and be a big happy family.


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